As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him. Psalm 103:13
Wow is all I can say these days. I mean I am a pretty verbal person and as my hubby likes to say “You like to talk”. I maybe a bit of a talker but this post is not about my verbal skillz.
One of the most fulfilling and revved up in emotional energy, is my time at the hospital. It was and is a time that I hope does not fade from my memories. I can’t help but shout out to the LORD in PRAISE! HALLELUJAH! I was blessed enough to be attended by nurses who made me feel as though Jesus was in the room with me.
I was also blessed enough to have visitors come visit us. And Blessed to order what ever I wanted from the menu. I know people say hospital food is awful but I was so starving that it was DELICIOUS! Haha, I give credit to breast feeding and the 7 plus hours of Labor (they count your labor once you receive your epidural or at least it was like that in my case because they couldn’t check to often from the fact that my water had broken So they only counted 2:30am till he was born on 9:04am mind you I was feeling contractions around 8ish on the pm)!
I even had a truly anointed and amazing moments with my mom. Thank you Jesus so much! You are GLORIOUS!
I can’t help but be overly thankful of everything, and also because of this, my emotions were just all over the place.
It wasn’t until recently that I see a bit more clearly a bit more further. And I for one am truly thankful.
I share my stories because I know that is what God would want me to do.
When I first returned home which wasn’t really at my house but the first few days outside of the hospital we had spent them at my parents house. Unfortunately, our apartment at the time was being remodeled. What timing!
It’s not easy not being in your own home, especially leaving the hospital, away from the professional support that was available, the people that were at your every beck and call…ahh the power of the call button, but I digress.
Once leaving the hospital, truly doing things on your own hits you like a ton of bricks! Especially on a first time experience and just having that weight, that you are responsible for a human being, a person who has the potential to change the world, to make the world that much more of a brighter and better place.
I remember just feeling the levity of “we’re on our own”.
It all started with the car seat with me. Is he comfortable?? Is his back alright?? Did they install it right? Did we get the right car seat???
I had to calm myself and calm my nerves. I’m so blessed that the Hubby and I listen to nothing but worship music especially in the car. Thank you LORD for Hillsong!
There’s nothing like that pounding of your chest, that first day out of the Hospital.
Needless to say for me it just got worse through out the days that I was waiting to enter our home. There’s no place like home.
We spent around 3 days at my parents house and I will say I will not ever forget the battle I had, to not be depressed. Yes I was over joyed that my baby boy was here, yes, I was over joyed that my husband did everything he could to make Emanuel and I comfortable and I knew he would be a great dad.
But doubts stirred up within me, my past exploded before me and the enemy was attacking me…
I had doubts, would I be a fit mother? Was I able to take care of my son? Would my mistakes pass on to him? Would I scar him or be…..
I stopped myself and I battled these thoughts with the scriptures. With the knowledge of Jesus Christ with the knowledge of GOD! I cried on to the LORD and HE heard my cry!
I knew and I recognized that the enemy was attacking me. Then I pondered and asked in my heart why many woman suffer from post postpartum depression.
Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you James 4:7
I then thought and realized that a mother just as a father is detrimental to a child’s life and the devil tries to sever this. He tries to tear a mom away from her child to try to knock her off an emotional balance.
Mind you I was being severely attacked! To the point that I had….
Suicidal thoughts. Ok Okay I thought about just not wanting to live anymore. In truth, I was in fact not wanting to face my responsibility that now laid gently breathing in my gentle caring arms.
‘Who am I’, I thought. Then I turned those thoughts and said NO! I WILL NOT GIVE UP! My time here is not done and they (My hubby and son) need me!
I can Do all things through CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME! Phil 4:13
I began thinking postive and not allowing negative thoughts to consume me. To not allow mistakes nor my past to stifle or hold me back from my obvious blessings. I decided to TRUST IN JESUS!
I exercised my faith and repeated the scriptures. I AM MORE THAN A CONQUEROR!
The Moral of the Story?
STOP RUNNING AWAY FROM YOUR BLESSINGS! Sometimes we will receive unprecedented favor and Blessings that are full of Grace and God’s love, but if we dwell on the levity and responsibility of these blessings we will never have the courage to step into them with faith.
So I was afraid and went out and hid your gold in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.’ Matthew 25:25
You wonder why you haven’t received, you wonder why you maybe going through hardships. Have you considered your blessings? I mean truly? Have you mistakenly turned your blessing, from a blessing into a hindrance?
During these times of being pregnant, going through the pain of labor, postpartum and healing, I have said to myself “I get to go through this“.
I have met women who have wanted children, but they were not able to be blessed by a child’s cry or their baby’s small frame gently nestled in their arms.
It would be such dishonor (i.e. a slap to the face!) if I were to only look at the negative aspects of having a baby or only looking at the negative what if’s, other then realizing the simple and obvious truth of the joy and honor In that I get to go through it all no matter how difficult it may look because the truth is..it is truly a blessing and an honor.
Just as it is to serve Jesus Christ.
SO STOP looking at your troubles, stop complaining and PRAISE GOD for all that you are going through because in reality…. YOU GET to go THROUGH IT!
Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:18
Until Next Time! CIAO!
Video of the Day: Remind me who I am